Our Long Winding Journey to Parenthood…
Our Story and Journey to Parenthood:
We ended up getting pregnant as we were referred, and our referral was put on hold to see if that baby would last. We easily could get pregnant but my poor little babies just did not make it past 9 weeks in utero. We were being refereed for genetic counseling and told our chances were slim for making a baby naturally.
I was surrounded by babies, people having babies, and beautiful healthy children (I work in childcare)- yet I could not create one. I was devastated. It seemed as though my dream for a family was not going to come true and to make things worse I did not know if I could do it again. The idea of conceiving again only to have to say goodbye was crushing.
Last Winter my doctor sent me for an ultrasound to go with my referral and we found out 2 weeks before the ultrasound that I was pregnant. Although it was great to actually be able to see my small little bean in there it felt bittersweet as I felt I was just waiting for it to disappear again. Every day and night all I thought about was the possibility of losing yet another. It was rather crushing. Somehow my worrying and anxiety got me through everyday for my entire pregnancy. There was not a single day that I did not have fears of losing him. 284 days of pregnancy, millions of tears, fears and worries. I even opted to buy my own fetal heart monitor from Ebay which was an awesome purchase and it helped me keep some of my sanity. There wasn’t a day that I did not check for his heartbeat or give him a few good pokes to see if he was still okay in there.
When I gave birth to him we were told my next pregnancy would also be high risk as my blood type was different than his and my body apparently was gearing up to attack and I developed an antibody that creates numerous complications many leading to preterm birth and late miscarriage.
Long story short- well not really that short… My first baby is actually my fourth and possibly our last. He is everything I dreamed of and hoped for and was worth every tear and every feeling of anxiety I had. And even now when I get mad about something stupid- like him waking up every 45 minutes many nights-, or the extremely disgusting stretchmarks on my now jelly belly that coated my what was perfectly tight stomach (I can dream) I look at him and remember the miracle he is and I fall in love all over again. (And typically I cry at the thought)
Through living this I have also come to hear numerous stories of other women who are close to me and their struggles. Some that I won’t share with you as you will likely end up like me worrying every minute.
But it just goes to show that miracles do happen- and they are super cute and worth the journey when you really do want them!